Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize