I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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