Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
