he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
