I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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