Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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