Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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