I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
