Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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