Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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