he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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