This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize