Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
