6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
