im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Randomize
