Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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