I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
