I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
