And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
