All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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