you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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