just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
