Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
