why do cheetos always look like penises
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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