After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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