I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
