piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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