I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
