my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
