I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
