no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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