the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
