wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
