2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
