Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
