Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
