You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
