Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Soap is not a condiment
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
