he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
