I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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