how can u be prego again
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
