I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize