It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
