Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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