You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
