mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize