I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
