Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
