I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
