is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
