people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
