i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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