i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
