Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
