As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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