he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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