I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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