Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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