pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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