Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
