Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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