ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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