i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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