well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
