If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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