put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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