Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
