I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
