Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
