just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
