Got a toothbrush?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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