my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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